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I dont know much about this kind of design work but from what i see the smudged areas look way to free handish. LOL they just seem really random inbetween star clusters. very noticeable. If you can get it to flow more through those areas you would like faded where stars would look farther away try a different stroke pattern etc. However that just really would take a steady hand and thats comes with time. I dont know if you gathered anything out of this ramble but that is what i can see. Very good start though i like the idea alot.
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I can read it,
and understand it,
but when i try it everything goes wrong.
Reading master, Coding failure 
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